The Five Stages of Thankfulness

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(Four if You Don’t Count Thanklessness)

I should caution the reader that what you are about to read will mess with you. You won’t be able to un-read it and, when you least want to think about it, there it will be like a full-length mirror at a buffet or Dave Ramsey on a shopping spree.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

There are  aspects of my faith that I have found to be depthless.  Humility, thankfulness, generosity and kindness seem so containable and domesticated.  But what begins as a sweet campfire or a cute little teddy bear quickly grows into a raging forest fire and a she bear after a cub and whatever I thought I was playing with is now a consuming force.  Niave to what I would unearth, I began to dig at thankfulness.

Things of God aren’t like a mine of earth that yields finite gems of dust-made-jewels. God’s Word yields more as it is mined.  It isn’t just that the more one digs, the more one finds.  Not just that.  The more one digs, them more there is to be found.  There is more to be found because at some point the boundary between looking into His Word and looking into yourself disolves like a veil torn back and you see that there is no end to the motherlode as long as you still have the courage to dig.

Physical Mining Spiritual Mining Verse
Some mines are worthless There is no fruitless search 2Tim 3:16-17
Finite amount of jewels Infinite amount of jewels Rom 11:33
Mining gets harder Mining gets easier Proverbs 9:9
Yields less as it is mined Yields more as it is mined 1 Peter 1:24-15aa: Isaiah 40:6-8, 3-5

 

 

 

 

There is still time to turn back.

Stage 1: Thanklessness

Being thankful for some things some of the time does not a thankful person make.  I sew a little.  I dabble around with quilting and crafting but I have never really thought of myself as a quilter.  I am one who quilts but neither my dedication nor my ability are sufficient to justify a title.  I wasn’t thankful even though I was occasionally, selectively and earnestly willing to give thanks–neither my dedication nor my ability were sufficient to justify the title of thankful.  Actually, on the contrary, Paul said thanklessness was plaguing our household.  I guess I had step one taken care of.  Moving on.

Rom 1:21-22 “Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.”

Stage Two: Not Being Thankless

Somewhere between armed robber and redeemed motivational speaker there is a time where the guy just isn’t a bank robber any more.  It isn’t just that you have to crawl before you can walk, you have to stop sitting there like a lump before you can crawl.  Repentance–shuwb in Hebrew– means simply to turn.  Turn back.  Turn away.  Turn to.  Turn against.  You have to stop doing the thing you are sorry about before you can start doing something else.  You start the stopping by turning.  If you want to be thankful, stop being thankless.  James had it right.  That little tongue in your sweet mouth is the rudder on your soul ship and it can turn it wither it will.

Thanklessness is a sneaky little weed.  Those of us who have been churchified a bit can usually say completely depraved and ungrateful things without sounding like it:

“I want a bigger house for the kids so they can have their own rooms.”

“I just want my Husband’s boss to realize how much he is worth and pay him more to make him feel good about himself.”

“Well we have to have __________________” Fill in the blank with something that you think you have to have that most of the world, (much less people throughout history) have never and will never have.

I’m rather adept at combining thanklessenss with immasculation, by emplying her cousin, comparison:

“Maybe you can have Sandy’s husband, Arnold, come over and he can show you how to fix that wiring. Their house is always so nice.  It might be nice for you to have some fellowship time with him anyway.”

See how I made it like I was really just interested in his needs for fellowship.  I am so selfless.  Honestly, I should probably just follow up comments like by stabbing my husband in the eye with a knitting needle to distract from the emotional pain I cause by nagging.

Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires.  James 3:4

2 Tim 3:1-5 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

Stage Three: Eyes to See

Thankfulness can’t exist without a subject and an object. Gratitude without a gift is more accurately described as contentment or happiness. Gratitude without a giver is appreciation or enjoyment. “Gosh, I really appreciate the way roses smell.” or “I am enjoying the nice weather.” You can’t be thankful for the fragrance of flowers or the sunshine on your face without God. Gratitude is inseparable from the giver and the gift. Disciplining ourselves to see the blessings around us in terms of gratitude constantly points us back to the Father.

Disciplining yourself to give thanks starts with recognizing two things:

  1. There is something for which I should be thankful.
  2. There is someone to whom I should be thankful.

Do not be deceived,     my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,     and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation     or shadow of turning. James 1:16-17

 

When we pray for eyes to see the gifts of God, we will naturally respond the way we do to people for things.  We all give thanks all of the time.  Now we just need to continue to do what   this is easy stuff once we purpose in our hearts to see gifts all around us.  This isn’t learning a whole new way to walk; this is just walking in a different direction.

Stage Four: Giving Thanks

 

If you then, being     evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much     more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who     ask Him! Matthew 7:11

 

Consider how stridently we teach our own children how to say “Thank you.”  I have held literally thousands of graham crackers and crayons hostage while a determined toddler reaches for them and refuses just to give in and say “Thank you.”  Gratitude is a learned behavior.  It becomes a habit when it is practiced.  As a parent, I have withheld from my little toddlers when they are not practicing gratitude. Thankfully, God isn’t like that.

 

Luke 6:35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.

Wait!  That isn’t fair!  I thank God every day that He is not fair.  Were He fair, I would not be able to call myself His child.  Before you consider what unfairness has cheated you out of, consider what unfairness has blessed you with.

Justice: Getting what we deserve.

Mercy: Not getting what we deserve.

Grace: Getting what we don’t deserve.

In deference to my daughter Sunny, I need to qualify my statements here a little bit.  She rightly pointed out to me that once Jesus paid our debt on the cross and our sins were blotted out, it did become fair for us to receive God’s mercy.  The price had been paid.  We no longer deserved condemnation.  God’s grace is an outpouring of His character which is always loving and good.  And that is not something that is ours as a matter of right or fairness.  It is ours as a matter of His love and goodness alone.

A psychologist gave a seminar on happiness with a few hundred people in attendance.  At the beginning, she asked for all of those people who just know that they would be happy if they had better finances to stand up.  After they sat down she asked all of the people whose finances are great but who are still not happy to stand up.  She went on—losing weight, a better marriage, children, better job—.  The point is, it is up to us to decide whether we have anything to be grateful for or not.  Is your glass half empty or half full?  It doesn’t matter what I think.  It matters what you think.  Focusing on what you don’t have will never foster joy.

Stage Five:  Being Thankful = Thankfullness

 

Gratitude sees the world in terms of blessing and accepts gifts from God with thanksgiving.

Let the words of my     mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord,     my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

 

Thankfulness is what it sounds like: being full of thanks.  Once we have eyes to see that our lives are full of gifts and benefits and our hearts are full of appreciation of the Giver of all good things, we become full of thanks.  When the focus is on God and the abundance of blessing around us a number of things happen in our minds and our hearts.

 

It is easy to find out what someone is full of, just squeeze them a bit and see what comes out.   We have an old house that has been undergoing a renovation for the better part of a decade.  The original architect of our 95 year old house didn’t seem to think that anyone would ever need more than one light bulb and a single outlet in any given room.  Forget about a dishwasher, microwave, toaster and crockpot.  At least twice or three times per day, the circuit breaker flips off and my kitchen goes dark.  Do you have any idea how infuriating—literally causing me to engage in fury—it is to me to have to walk 10 feet over to the power panel, find the right switch and flip it back?  You would think that I just woke up from surgery and found out that they had amputated the wrong leg.  When you squeeze me, impatience, covetousness, dissatisfaction, self-righteousness and indignation comes right on out.

I figure I am about half-full of gratitude these days because about half the time I when the power flips off I take the opportunity to thank God for electricity, for my high amp draw shiny new appliances, for my wonderful husband who installed them, for my electric bill that is paid, for the blessing of living in a 1st world country and, most of all, for an opportunity to choose not to be a downer.  When the power goes off and I don’t turn into a dragon lady on the war path, it blesses my family.

When Jesus was squeezed in the Garden of Gethsemane—Hebrew for the place of the Olive Press—what came out was what He was full of.

“Abba, Father,” he said, “Everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36

  • Relationship with Father God.
  • Recognition of God’s power.
  • Desire to seek God for intervention in His life.
  • Submission to God’s will.
  • A desire for His Disciples to be obedient to Him (Mark 14:37-39)

 

Galatians 5:16-26

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery,[c] fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders,[d] drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

If we are in Christ, we are already full of the Holy Spirit and possess those very attributes in abundance.  Our purpose should be to build up our spirits to the point that when the flesh is squeezed, it is spirit that comes out.  Thankfulness is simply the recognition of the goodness of God.

Walking It Out

You’ve heard the message.  You know how important it is to God for you to be thankful.  You know how un-godly it is to be unthankful.  This is a message that demands a response.  Our God is a God who requires a response from us.  We start by turning away from Thanklessness.  We renounce and repent ever harboring a spirit of ingratitude and ask God to cleanse us of that.  Now we proceed to walk in thankfulness every moment, every hour, every day.

  • Recognize the gift
    • Name it
    • Thank the Giver
      • Speak it
    • Remember the Gift
      • Write it down

Challenge yourself to document at least 1 gift from God each day this month.  Keep it real, not abstractions.  Think Julie Andrews and brown paper packages tied up with strings.  Tune into your spirit.  When something makes you happy, own it.  Thank Him. Record it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vickie’s Rocket

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Picture the Space Shuttle on the launch pad.  The combined weight of the Shuttle, The fuel tanks, the solid rocket boosters and the fuel is 4.4 million pounds.  God’s orderly creation follows laws that have been noticed—not invented or discovered by—physicists and scientists like Isaac Newton.  Sir Newton observed that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Rocket engines use this principle to create momentum and lift.  Rockets push out a mass of gas in one direction so that the pay load—The Space Shuttle—will move in the opposite direction.  When you see that burning orange fire and massive expulsion of gasses being ejected toward the launch pad, you are seeing the same principle that causes a balloon to fly around the room if you blow it up and let it go.  The air in the balloon is pushing out through a small opening with force.  The air in the balloon is pushing against the air in the room and the balloon goes the opposite way.  It is gas pushing on gas; molecules on molecules, and it is powerful.  The Rocket fuel is ignited and burns with great force –expanding as it burns—and it has to go somewhere.  It exits through the bottom of the jet engine through a small enough hole that it has to push and rush to get out, just like the air in the balloon.  Those molecules are all ignited and forced to exit in one stream, beating against the launch pad.  The molecules pile up on each other and throw mass toward the Launchpad and the Space Shuttle has to move in the opposite direction.  Molecules piling on to molecules create lift.

God’s creation also follows the principle that a body in motion tends to stay moving and a body at rest tends to continue resting unless it is acted on by an outside force.  Without the Rocket, that Space Shuttle would stay on the Launch pad forever.  When harnessed to the rocket, the Shuttle must move.  Shuttles don’t cling to the earth.  They cling to the energy and power of the rocket.  At first, it looks like nothing is happening.  Smoke and fire and controlled explosions are forcefully coming out of the rocket and the Shuttle just sits there.  It takes an enormous amount of thrust to overcome the state of rest and the pull of gravity and even the friction of the air around the craft.  It takes quite a few molecules rushing around to get 4.4 million pounds to move.  The molecules continue to rush out pushing against the ground, pushing against each other creating force against the Earth until the Shuttle’s rest begins to break.  Even the first shudder of the Shuttle is key to the eventual lift off.  A body that is moving, even a little, is likely to keep moving.  Just overcoming stillness requires an enormous amount of energy.  Soon, the Shuttle begins to lift and there is no mistaking it for just moving a bit on the launch pad.  The scaffolding that had been holding the air craft up falls away and once the 4.4 million pounds is no longer at rest, it is easier to keep it moving.  The fuel continues to burn and the force the of the hot gas keeps pushing and now motion is pushing against motion and we have lift off. 

Once lift off has been accomplished things happen fast.  Now we’re moving and it is easy to keep moving.  The rocket is no longer pushing against the Launchpad, the molecules of gas are pushing at the molecules of gas and that force is enough to carry the huge load right out of our atmosphere.  As it moves farther away from the surface of the Earth, the Shuttle blasts through barriers and moves more freely as the air gets thinner and gravity’s force is left behind.  Once high above the earth, the empty rocket fuel canister is ejected and the Shuttle has enough momentum to leave the Earth’s envelop.  In orbit, there is no friction, little force from gravity and the shuttle requires very little energy to keep moving or change direction. 

 

The Vision of the Lord for you, Women is that you are that Shuttle.  You are built to fly; and fly high!  You aren’t tied to the Earth, you are bound to God’s powerful force The Holy Spirit.  When you are at rest, it takes lots of power from the Holy Spirit to get you moving.  The more you allow the Spirit to work, the faster you will move and just like the Shuttle, you will be propelled straight up, not to the left or the right, straight up to the high places God has for you.  The Shuttle doesn’t decide where it goes, it doesn’t steer or control the burn.  Let the Spirit take you whether it will and burn, baby, burn!   No enemy can stand near you with that consuming fire bursting forth and it will cleanse those who are around you.   Just as thrust is generated by molecules pressing on molecules, your momentum will be created by Spirit building on Spirit.  Every verse you read, every praise you sing, every prayer you speak, every thought you take captive will build on each other until you are shooting across the sky.  The man-made structures that were never intended to hold you to the ground will fall away.  Let them.  You needed them for a time until you were ready to take off into your God-given purpose—to fly.  Shed those support structures so that you can soar. 

Shed spent fuel tanks that you may have needed before but don’t need any longer and ride the momentum that God is creating through the Power of the Holy Spirit.  Unlike the Shuttle and her Rocket fuel, you are one with the power of the Spirit.  Break barriers; resist the pull of the Earth and your flesh.  It may be comfortable on the ground, but it isn’t fulfilling your unique purpose.  Commit to the ride, women.  Commit to the entire journey.  If the Shuttle let go of the rocket when just off the ground it would come crashing back to earth.  That isn’t for you.  Scary?  Yes!  Uncomfortable?  Yes!  Safe in the arms of Jesus?  Yes!  You aren’t riding a man-made creation, you are harnessed to the power that created the stars and planets and you are loved.  You can’t crash as long as you hold fast to The Lord.   

Nothing is launched backward or sideways-you are being launched forward. Reach the heavens and high places that God has prepared for your wings.  Look around, Beloved.  See the Earth from God’s viewpoint where there are no borders between countries, and you are high above your circumstances.  You are high above the problems and challenges on the Earth.  See the whole planet that was bought with a price by the sacrifice of Jesus.  See the planet He created and loves and know that you are a treasure upon it.  Marvel that the Earth and the universe around it was spoken into being by your God,  The God you made you, redeemed you and now fills you.  Up, up and away!    

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

Genesis 1:1

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?

Psalm 8:3-4

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky proclaims his handiwork.

Psalm 19:1

By His breath the heavens are cleared: His hand has pierced the fleeing serpent.  Behold, these are the fringes of His ways; And how faint a word we hear of Him.  But His mighty thunder, who can understand?

Job 26:13-14

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Matthew 13:44

He makes my feet like the feed of deer, And sets me on my high places.

Psalm 18:33

 

 

 

 

                                  

 

What Siddhartha Missed

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And Why Selling Everything You Own isn’t Enough for Jesus

Radio delivered the voice of a man who smuggles Bibles into China as he told the story of a Chinese Christian woman. That’s enough, isn’t it, for you to write her story. Is it enough for you to write mine?

The Red Guard brought Communism’s characteristic evil intention–house to house searches, beatings, humiliation, torture– and Jesus responded with God’s answer to all evil–grace more sufficient and blessing exceeding abundance–and I found myself wanting. Wanting less so that His grace could fill me back up. Wanting in spirit, wanting and lacking.

“Could I possibly be living her opposite life?” I thought in my Suburban–seven of eight kids in the backseats, three of our dozen-plus Bibles tossed on the front seat, driving to one of the hundreds of churches in a 25 mile radius. I glanced from windshield to bumper around me at my ilk. All of us self-important first worlders–the TRUE 1%–standing on the top of the planet with gravity beneath us where it belongs as she somehow clings on by God’s grace upside down on this little rock that hurtles through space at over a thousand miles per hour around its own center.

So I start peppering Him with questions like the kids in the back of the Suburban do to me–why am I living in America in this century of firewire and excess with blessing overflowing and this sainted lady with stumps left where hands once clung to a Bible that she wouldn’t give up lives in China? What can I do to live out loud for you in this world where crosses are jewelry on rock stars and bibles are in the nightstand drawers right under the cash and next to the depravity? And before He can answer I remind Him that He is the author of justice and there must be a way for me to be blessed and for her to be blessed right now in the thick of it all. That He is a good God. He is Goodness. Surely, there is no good thing that He is withholding from me or my Chinese Sister. So, how the heck does that work and why do I suspect that she gets it and I don’t? Amidst the asking and confirming and reminding Him of who He is, I got this:

You can be as blessed in the giving of it as she is in the receiving of it.

And I heard the word of the Lord to me and my spirit sprang forth because it recognizes His voice and then . . . umm, not really. I mean, yes Lord, it is better to give than to receive–is that from the Bible or just something people say? Actually, Catherine, Jesus says that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Red letters. Slow down, red letters . . . but did you hear about her receiving that new Bible? And honestly, I don’t know how me giving $2.50 to send a Bible to China will equate at all to the overwhelming receipt of it. Keep going.

I think better out loud so I will often talk to people about what I am ruminating on. The truth is, explaining what I am working out is part of the process for me. I don’t limit my queries to people who think like I do. In fact, I know how people who think like I think think already so I would rather talk to someone who doesn’t think like I think. That makes sense, doesn’t it?

So, I asked a friend who is very patient with my Jesusness–as am I with her secularity– how she thought one could be as blessed by giving as one is by receiving. She launched straight into Buddha. Sorry, I just pictured her launching her cute little blonde self straight into Buddha and then bouncing back off his happy belly. I believe that is exactly what happens in the spiritual. She’s coming right back into my Jesus-preaching arms. Say Amen with me for her. But I digress–actually, I just displayed my aforementioned tendency to process out loud so it wasn’t much of a digression at all. Huh. Back to her reply:

“Why not just go Siddhartha and give it all up? You know, like Buddha-prince with everything renounces everything to find enlightenment with nothing.”

Let’s see how that lines up with the red letters.

Matthew 19:16-22

Jesus Counsels the Rich Young Ruler

16 Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good[e] Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?”

17 So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good?[f] No one is good but One, that is, God.[g] But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”

18 He said to Him, “Which ones?”

Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’ 19 ‘Honor your father and your mother,’[h] and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”[i]

20 The young man said to Him, “All these things I have kept from my youth.[j] What do I still lack?”

21 Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”

If you want to be perfect- teleios in the Greek meaning wanting in nothing, complete, mature, full grown. Didn’t I just find myself wanting? I like where this is headed.

So our friend, Siddhartha started out on the right track. Unlike our Rich Young Ruler, he was willing to relinquish his material possessions. We aren’t even through with Jesus’s sentence yet. Come follow me. No big Greek tense intricacies here. It is as it sounds. Come follow me. Go and seek enlightenment? No. Go and figure it all out without the distractions and trappings of your riches? No again. Jesus calls us to follow Him without distraction and the first thing He does for any follower is fill them with His Holy Spirit. Jesus doesn’t want empty, hungry, wanting people. He wants unencumbered, full-to-the-brim people who are ready to follow. People with much to give. People who aren’t wanting. This is where we find a divergence in philosophies. One philosophy calls on the adherent to give up all worldly things and then seek from a place of emptiness.  Jesus calls us to seek from a place of fullness.

The Rich Young Ruler–let’s call him Ryr–couldn’t or wouldn’t shed the material and follow Jesus. I surmise that he valued his material possessions too much and enjoyed the comforts. If Ryr hadn’t valued his possessions, giving them up would mean nothing.  It’s like asking me to fast from liver and lima beans.  Yes, Lord, I will do that for you to be Holy.  Look at me giving up what I don’t like?  Aren’t I crucified?  I cringe.  Don’t I have to value things in order for the giving away of them to have any meaning at all?  Yes.

So I chew on it.  As blessed in the giving away as the one who receives.  Chewing–but she gets a Bible and I gave $2.50.  So I could give $2,500 but that wouldn’t be equivalent to the 100 people and their 100 new bibles.  Chewing and talking with my mouth full of thoughts and questions.  The answer is, I could go Siddhartha.  I could give it all away.  I could even crag my family along with me and not feel bad about it.  That wouldn’t be as difficult for me as it would be for some.  So, what is it that I would struggle with giving  . . . shit.

In deference to Sunny, I tried to write “Crap” instead of the s-word but it was a lie.  The truth is that what I mean to say is “shit!” and not anything else.  Do you know what just happened right in front of your face as I wrote?  God told me what ‘it’ is.  I can be as blessed in the giving of ‘it’ as she is in the receiving of ‘it’.  There is no concordance for what He speaks to my spirit, but if there was and I looked at those words, it might look like this:

You (Catherine) can be(will be, it is right there if you want it and I am faithful) as blessed (it will be like the blessing the woman in China received) in the giving (giving up, letting go, laying down for good) of it  (IT . . .it even rhymes with the s-word) as she (persecuted Christian) is in the receiving (possessing, owning, having for keeps) of it (her fondest, heart’s desire).

If I give up the comfort of food, I can be as blessed as that woman who wept with joy at the feet of a missionary and held his hands with her used-to-be hands and praised God.  Her blessing in the receipt of spirit food will be my blessing in the giving up of flesh food.  And, like her, there will be a Red Guard who will come to steal, kill and destroy.  They will seek to take her spirit food and serve me flesh food and undo the blessing.

I am rather undone.

 

 

 

 

 

What Color is Salmon?

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The Doodle is mastering his colors. He has moved beyond the standard Crayola 8 to tertiary hues of pink and brown. For him, colors are absolute and inflexible. The cup is blue. The shirt is green. The coat is . . . well, it is . . . hmmm. I guess I don’t even know what color it is. It is too pink for Persimmon and too orange for Salmon. I tried to bail him out by just telling him that it was orange. He squalled in my direction, looked at me with a chilling mixture of pity and disgust and then turned back to the coat. Leah-Faith came and offered red as the answer. He smacked her. I felt glad I had only received a stern verbal admonishment. With that toddler élan that demonstrates utter determination to triumph in an over-sized world governed by giant lackies he pulled down the coat, bundled his arms round it and dragged it wide-legged-clumsy into the laundry room. He tossed it on a pile and turned on  shook the dust out of his sandals as he went.  I don’t think less of him for that. Out of sight is out of mind and–in our laundry room–quite possibly gone forever. Everything—even the coat of a single nameless color–on the planet needs to be crammed into one of the wedges on his color wheel or be discarded into the cavernous heap of unknowableness.

The physical world reflects light along a spectrum and our Great God has given us eyes to see and brains to process colors.  Those colors exist on a spectrum and all of that light is known and understandable.  My tot and I may not know what to call that color but that doesn’t change the nature of it.  The coat in the laundry room is still that pinkish-persimmon, orangey-salmon even when we don’t know what to call it.  When you and I look at something and you see celery and I see sea grass, it still is what it is. It is really OK for me to have a color wheel in my mental encyclopedia that considers eggshell, off-white, winter white and beige the same color. Honestly, I’m not losing sleep over it. I realize that for those who specialize in color that is rather disturbing. That’s OK, I need you people to serve me up the right colors in the right seasons and make the world lovely.  Rock your ecru.

I’m like my toddler boy.  My knowing of the world isn’t much more sophisticated. Things are known; things are assigned as close-but-not-really; others are banished from our thinking.  Red, yellow, blue. God loves me. Jesus died for me. The Holy Spirit fills me. Those are my primary colors of faith. Those colors are true and bold and real. There is no combination of any of those primaries that isn’t lovely to behold. Black and white: none of the colors and all of the colors.  As the physical world is seen as some reflection of varying lengths of light along a spectrum, so is the spiritual world reflected back to us as some combination of those truths.  God Loves, Jesus Grace, Holy Spirit Power.  I recognize so many of the combinations of these truths.  I can name them when I see them—mercy, joy, peace, charity, faith, hope—and they slip so neatly between the pages of the bible He is writing on my heart. 

And of the unknowables?  Can I turn back to see what I have thrown into the hamper full of things that I can’t fit into His Love, His Grace and His Power?  And this is truth:  my color wheel, though more complex than a babe’s, is simple compared to His.  Where I see straight lines dividing red and crimson, He sees infinite variation.  Is this compromising of truth?  Is this many shades of gray?  No and not ever and never.  There is no combination of the all-colors-white and the no-colors-black.  Life and death aren’t mixed.  The truth is far from the lie.  There is no shadow of gray with Him.  Yes, of the colors that are God, there are levels of complexity that exceed my ability to see.  It is like trying to watch high definition programming on a monochrome TV built in 1950.  The information is there but there is no way to process it or display it. The promise of eternity is spirit eyes that are able to see it all and understand that there was never anything missing but the seeing of it.  Until the eyes are made perfect in the Spirit, what is there to do with the pink-orange coats? I don’t want to catapult them into the abyss just to ease my mind.  Is it better to squeeze them into orange or red and move on?  Sometimes.  We can always move them to another cubby later. Would it be sin to call God’s Grace by the name Power or call His Love by the name Grace?  No, it would be attributing God to God.  Sometimes I might just need to let it be.  Can I eat of the manna every day and still call it “what is it?”  Can I trust Him enough to live without the security of naming—for I know even when I name I live outside of knowing.  The colors that I can’t rightly place into my spectrum of God will still exist whether I call it Robin’s egg or sky. God doesn’t need me to understand Him.  He is that He is and I add nothing and can take nothing.  I want to practice this.  Just letting it in and letting it be what it is and knowing it is beauty.  Knowing it is Him.

 

By the way, I think the coat is Coquelicots.

Mundane Meaningful

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On Monday, I laid a request before my God. I know that praying with expectation is good and right and my prayers aren’t in vain. The Psalmist tells us in Chapter 5 that we can lay our prayers before Him in the morning and wait with expectation. And yet, and yet do I live like that? If my Christian life was a restaurant I would walk in, sit down, order something and then jump out of my chair shrieking like a Publishers’ Clearinghouse Sweepstakes winner when the waitress sets down the plate.

So, I asked–not to a short order cook God–my God for a concrete direction. I asked Him for a whole ministry. I asked Him for a purpose greater than myself, too big for me to do outside His divine will. I asked for eyes to see things daily that point back to Him. Things to share, things to enter into, things to write about, things to bring glory to His kingdom through my gifts however lean they may be. And, just as He said He would, just as He always has, just as He always will, He slid the plate onto the table before me and I about fell off my seat. This was particularly notable as I was not in a restaurant but rather driving at the time.

Some time ago I decided to associate certain stores or landmarks on my commute with people I wanted to remember to pray for. I have had about 5 solid markers on my path to work that I seldom drive by without an offer of thanks for and a plea for blessing on someone. On Tuesday morning, as I was driving to work I began my stations of the commute; lifting up prayer for people along the way. This was different. It wasn’t paced at a saunter with hand rummaging for lipstick in purse, ear aimed at NPR, mouth aimed at God, Spirit tossed like a worn garment over the back of a chair and soul half asleep. I began that way and then the veil began to tear. Names began coming to me as I saw street signs, businesses, license plates and I prayed. Slowly at first, so slowly that I didn’t even notice that I was entering in. Then more tearing and realizing there was a veil before my eyes that was rent away and seeing into the Holiness that always is right there. I have had this feeling before where I catch a glimpse of the real world–not that of vapor and shadow– and see the teeming activity and Life that exists parallel to ours all the time.

Once opened, my eyes just saw and my Spirit engaged and soul magnified the Lord. I must have prayed for 100 or more people–some I haven’t thought of or seen in years–on that 20minute drive. I found myself clapping like a seal and simultaneously praying for people, praising Him and just bubbling over in the joy of it. I kept saying in the midst of it “This is You, isn’t it! Yes, Lord. It’s You!” These thoughts weren’t generated from my brain and then fed to my mouth to be lifted up in prayer, this was praying from the Spirit. I was speaking in tongues in English. He loaned me His eyes. My Spirit was on high alert and I was receptive to every move or sound like a cat hunting a moth who can feel the air vibrate from the movement of a wing.

It was the feeling of a dreamer suddenly aware inside the dream of the dream and her own power in it. Lucidity. So firm in the clarity but so tenuous in the discipline of residing there. I am confident that I am able to enter in to that place at any time and stay as long as soul-eyes can stand the brightness of it. Unlike the fleeting feeling of aware self in a dream, this is no trick of the subconscious or step outside of reality. It is the very act of entering in to what is real.

 

Out of my own arrogance in the face of Grace, I began this post with the title “Making the Mundane Meaningful”. My Spirit quickened at that title. So grandiose in proclamation “Making the Mundane Meaningful”–as though my perception of something changes its inherent quality; as though I can make anything anything. Harkening back to high school and retracing first steps in a discussion of any topic I counseled with Webster to fully understand what I was saying. Mundane:

 

1.of or pertaining to this world or earth as contrasted with heaven; worldly; earthly: mundane affairs.

 

2.common; ordinary; banal; unimaginative.

 

3.of or pertaining to the world, universe, or earth.

I have to laugh at Webster and me. Name something, if you should be so bold, that is common and ordinary. Did you think of it? Something that is so plain, banal, simple and dull that no spark of the Living God illuminates it. Yes, as Web and I (I call him Web) uncover our Job mouths, allow us to restate; by mundane we mean something contrasted to something heavenly.

Now I, humbled, turn to His word to look up Heavenly. In the New Testament, three Greek words are translated to “Heavenly”. Each one points us up either to the sky, or the heavens right outside our atmosphere or to the Heavenly realm where God Himself resides. Jesus does use heavenly in context with earthly in the book of John: “If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you [of] heavenly things?” John 3:12. Even throughout that chapter, it doesn’t read as though that which is heavenly is the opposite of that which is earthly. It is as though a professor of math were to look at his students and lament “If you don’t know your multiplication tables how can I teach you Euclidian Geometry?” Understanding what is earthly gives us a framework for understanding what is heavenly.

So, I sit back, satisfied that I he answered my prayer. This was the gift. Something to see, something to record, words to etch. Then I read what I wrote and see that was not what I prayed for. Words need a reader and the flow that gushed out from the top of this page until now is but a dripping as I blush and demure and empty pit in the stomach think it not possible that God might have a reader for me.

Can I look past the veil into that swirling void of self-confidence? That feels a bit like the boy who gets X-ray glasses and looks at a woman hoping to see glory only to see intestines and blood vessels. And the view past the veil bears that out–the pride of false humility is gory like that. Raw and naked past the skin and you knew that was in there but you really just wanted to see the pretty surface that looks like piety.
A tricky spirit this. Self-scolding and shame only pleasure it. So I, fragile as a Sherman Tank made of meringue will write the words and ask for the readers. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

That was on the plate of hot, steaming Godness that was put down before me to eat and be made full on my mundane drive to work. Mundane, indeed.

The State of Our Union

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I pray often for God to show me what He is up to.  What is going on in the heavenly places, in the spiritual realm, in the real reality?  This land of shadow and vapors isn’t the real reality.  It is temporal, fleeting, crumbling dust.  What is real is unseen–not unable to be seen–just unseen.  I pray to have eyes to see.  

The Illustration

During Worship at our Sunday service, God gave me a picture of our marriage as seen through the metaphor of our house.  I say “house” rather than “home” because it was the material aspects of our brick and mortar dwelling that he was using to reveal other truths to me. All at once, as so often these messages come to me, the whole truth was expressed to me through metaphor.  Maybe that is why I like to sue metaphors in my own writing, the comparison tells the story.

Our house is a reflection of the state of our marriage. I have such a mixed bag of feelings about this:

  • So thankful for a vision of clarity from the Father.
  • Rock in the gut realization of tatters in our relationship reflected by tatters in teh physical.
  • Hopeful for restoration.
  • Secure in a God who would not reveal what he doesn’t intend to heal.
  • Regret for words and thoughts and actions or their absence that brought us here.
Glimpses and snapshots of words and emotions come filtering back and everything checks out against the Father’s message.  It all makes so much sense.  I want to parse it and study it and squeeze every last bit of juice from the fruit given to me. I want to own everything about this picture.  Internalize it, live  in it, smell the truth of it.  Right now it is a jumble of thoughts and felelings and task lists in my mind.  Any cogent sense I could glean is cluttered.  The first step is sorting through the bug chunks.
The Imagery

 

Parts of a house

  • Foundation
    • Solid.  Never an issue since we bought it.
  • Electricity
    • God is so good.  Circuits are overloaded and requirements are unevenly distributed.  Power shuts off often.
  • Plumbing
    • Pretty good.  Water pressure is kind of low.  Drains and toilets clog regularly.
  • Walls
    • Some have been torn down and not really completely put up again.  Incomplete.  Lots of layers.  No texture or way too much texture.
  • Windows
    • Ample, good placement.  Single pane, double hung.  Not very efficient or secure.  Always need cleaning.  Some broken in need of repair.
  • Exterior paint
    • Pretty tidy.
  • Interior paint
    • Lots of good effort.  Not done yet.
  • Appliances
    • New and nice.
  • Storage
    • Not enough.  Things get pushed in closets and lost or forgotten.
  • Furnishings
    • A mixed bag of nice and new and hand-me-down older.
  • Interior condition
    • Cluttered
    • So much life happening in so little space
    • Everyone’s crap is everywhere.
    • Paul down his best to keep it picked up.
  • Lighting
    • Just can’t seem to keep up on the light bulbs.
  • Insulation
    • Old and inadequate.
  • Front yard
    • Kind of rough shape.  Flowers are nice but needs major help on the side and front in terms of overgrowth.
  • Back yard
    • Hot mess
  • Fencing
    • None of the gates work.  It makes coming and going pretty difficult.

Getting Ready to Build Your Truth Book

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As a young mother, I found a bedraggled face staring back at me from the bathroom mirror.  My shirt was soaked with spit up over my shoulder and down my back and I had two nothing-to-see-here breast milk headlights that were only going to get worse.  I didn’t smell any better than I looked and aside from stuffing my bra with nicely folded toilet paper, there was very little hope for me at that point.  The baby, on the other hand, was immaculate.  If he didn’t look and smell like a Johnson & Johnson scratch and sniff ad in a woman’s magazine, I would change him into one of the many, many spare outfits I would pack in the enormous bad that I schlepped around around.  He not only had clean, fresh clothing and toiletries, but medical supplies, a grooming kit, bedding, toys, a camera to capture his fabulosness and reference material should I face an unfamiliar situation.  I packed what he needed for sure, what he might need, what he probably wouldn’t need but it would be nice to have and then I multiplied it by a factor of 50 and added a few more items.  As I looked at the walking exhibit of human excretion that I had become, I wondered why it never occurred to me to pack a spare T-shirt for myself.  All of me was completely engrossed in serving this 12 pounds of humanity.  There was no concern from myself to myself even though I was the source of life and what would preserve this parasite.  I was the host.  Without me, he was screwed and yet I had no provision for my own preservation.  I couldn’t even use the chap stick because I thought it should stay sterile in case I needed to use it on his precious little bow lips. If I became dehydrated or–more likely–was forced to suffer emotional trauma while sporting crusty while bulls-eyes of dried breast milk on my blouse–there was nothing in the bag for me.

In terms of my spiritual life, my flesh is that baby.  It is demanding and coddled and pampered and I spend way too much time taking care of it while my eternal Soul–the real me–is tired and neglected.  My love affair with my flesh is so deep and torrid and all consuming.  It is like taking care of a baby . . . a baby gorilla!  It is all so cute and sweet at first but pretty soon you are just trying to get through a feeding with out getting your arm ripped out of the socket which will surely be used to beat you senseless.  Why does the airline tell us to put the oxygen mask on ourselves FIRST before our children?  Because if we pass out, no one will be able to take care of them.  There is deep wisdom here.  If we take care of our children to the detriment of our souls and our marriages, no one will be there to truly take care of our children.  If we pamper our flesh to the exclusion of our souls, we will lose our connection with God which power to take care of ourselves in truly significant and meaningful ways.

Think of your Truth Book as a little corner of the diaper bag for mom.  In your purse full of amenities for your flesh–it is there for your soul.  The real you–the eternal you–the you that truly matters throughout all time.

Know the Terrain

My every day walk is as intentional as I choose to make it.  I have spent too many years going through my life assuming that conflict, anger, frustration and disappointment are just par for the course.   Ahhh, the good old days when I allowed myself the privilege of thinking that other people’s actions are to blame for of my negative thoughts and behaviors. I should clarify that they were MY good old days . . .they weren’t good for anyone else.  When you make yourself a Truth Book, you are choosing to make your walk intentional and take responsibility to keep your baby gorilla in line.  You are coming into a situation with a badly behaving preschooler and an exhausted mother.  You are your own Holy Spirit-Super Nanny and you are going to give the Soul-Mom tools to settle down the flesh-kid.

Just the Right Tools

There is no such thing as a one size fits all survival kit–I think this is a perfect time to point out that there is not a one size fits all night gown either and anyone who markets one as such is just asking for trouble, but I digress.  Survival kits are unique to the situation and the subject.    If you ventured to put together a survival kit that would address every individual in every possible situation, you would need to rent a truck to carry it.  Everything that anyone would need from waterproof matches to iodine pills would be right there in the U-Haul.  At any given time, you probably only need a few items.  The diabetic hiker might take a signal mirror and some glucose tablets.  The Alaskan bush pilot might select a radio and an emergency Mylar blanket.  Before leaving on a road trip, the driver might pack jumper cables and flares.  Does the lift raft patch kit have more intrinsic value than a syringe with epinephrine?  Outside of a situation framework they are both equally valuable, utilitarian items.  But given the right set of circumstances, one could save your life.

The Bible is our one-size-fits-all survival kit for our journey through spiritual, emotional and relationship journeys in our life.  In it, God has provided everything that everyone needs for every situation.  It is His U-Haul truck full of survival items and all of them are good and useful.    We have blessed access to all Truth all the time.  Praise God for that!  It should be our joy to get in there and touch and feel every tool in that truck.  We might never need the Rattlesnake Anti venom but we should know where it is just in case we meet someone who does.  We all have specific needs from God’s inventory of survival tools. Your Truth Book becomes the little fanny pack–gross, who ears a fanny pack–back pack of items that will serve you.   I needed to pack tools to address fear and anger.   Only you can know what you may need to pull from the available tools to have right on hand should you get into trouble.

Timing is Everything

This would be a bad project to take on if you can’t manage to seat yourself into a good mental place.  you should be prayed up, connected with God and not under stress, in a hurry, hungry or otherwise compromised.  The Super Nanny always shows up in a uniform, with hair coiffed and her game face on.  You need to bring that kind of presence to this project.  Here is what the Truth Book can become if you aren’t very careful:

  •  Condemnation of yourself or others
  • Judgement of yourself or others
  • An excuse for bad behavior
  • An Indictment of yourself or others
  • A confirmation of the very lies that got us here
  • An anchor that pulls you farther in to the ocean of crapulence

I often hear people say “The truth shall set you free.” Leave it to the enemy to take what is true and change it just enough to make it a lie.  John 8:32 says “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”  It isn’t in two sentences.  It is indivisible.  The truth you KNOW will set you free.  Taking on the Truth Book requires a certain amount of knowledge of two kinds of Truth.  God’s Truth needs to be resident inside you and you need an understanding of where you spin out.  You know that God is love, you know that you are His righteousness in Christ, you know that His promises for you are Yes and Amen!  You also realize that you struggle with self-wroth, unforgiveness, anger or fear.  It doesn’t mean you have it down, it just means you can access it.  If you don’t feel like you know enough of God’s truth to be made free, work on the Truth Book with someone whom you trust who can come alongside you.  If you know lots of God’s truth but are still living in the world where all of your problems are someone else’s fault, you need to find a trusted friend who is brave enough (because I’ll just bet you’re a firecracker) to suggest places where you might need a little truth.  Like, I don’t know, let’s say that giant telephone pole sticking out of your right eye that keeps clubbing everyone you get close to in the head.  If you doubt that, ask the people around you, just don’t be surprised if they duck when they see you coming.

Know your Audience

Your Truth Book is a letter from your best and highest Holy-Spirit-Connected-Soul-self to your flesh-kid self in a heated moment of haze and chaos or in the depths of despair or anxiety. Think of it as a friend who will follow you around and keep you in check.  Imagine someone by your side as you slip into some destructive behavior to gently put hands on your shoulders and say “Hey, we talked about this, honey.  You don’t really want to go there.  Let me remind you how much better things are the other way.”  The tone is God’s tone.  It is loving and warm and kind and compassionate.  There is no condemnation or judgement, there is only love and truth.

This letter can only come from you to you.  Only you know how you think and where you stumble.  Only you can call you out on your secret thought patters and little snugly trysts with those trampy twins we know as s  Self Pity and Self Righteousness. Only you truly  know when you allow yourself to soak in a hot spring of anger or cool river of despair. It takes great courage to look into these patterns of behavior and thinking with the honest intentions of God.  Just like walking with a physical limp is a result of a physical trauma of to the body, these patterns of thinking and behavior may be the result of some emotional or spiritual trauma.  The physical therapist doesn’t need to know how you injured your leg to be able to assist you in healing.  Your current condition is enough to inform her.  You don’t need to know how you got here.  Just present your limp and let’s get to walking it out.

Prayerfully consider where you are likely to stumble in terms of thought patterns or behavior.  Here are some of the likely candidates:

  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Unforgiveness
  • Complaining
  • Nagging
  • Rage
  • Bitterness
  • Hopelessness
  • Judgement
  • Pride
  • Selfishness
  • Jealousy
  • Shame
  • Depression
Each of these emotional states or behaviors is based on a lie from the enemy that is preventing God’s Truth from being the primary driving force in your life.  It is the lie that we want to cast out with the Truth.  We won’t even give the lies that you have been told the dignity of appearing on a page.  I want you to begin but framing each of the lies in terms of God’s Eternal truth.  Here are some examples of born again lies that became truths:
  • God will love me regardless of my performance in life.
  • God has provided and will continue to provide enough for me and my family.
  • I love the people at my Church and know that God wants me to bound together in one body with them.
  • My Children are safe and happy and I am confident that God will watch over them when I am not present.
  • My Marriage is a lifelong commitment between me and my husband.  We love each other passionately and have joy in our relationship.
  • God will give me wisdom to face the challenges of blending our two families and being a good step-parent.
  • My mouth will be a fountain of life-affirming words over my husband, my children and my entire household.
  • I am completely forgiven and walk in righteousness and freedom!
  • I forgive those who have sinned against me and carry no grudges for past wrongs.
These are the kind of affirmations that should be on your list.  Refine them and live with them a little bit to make sure that they truly speak to God’s intention for your life.

 

Write the Vision and Make it Plain

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As we left the church office Paul said “I want you to write that all down.  I don’t want to lose anything.”  I was thinking the same thing and God was–as per usual –way ahead of all of us.  I sat down to my computer and began typing up an email to Paul recounting the conversation with our Pastor.  I wrote and revised as scriptures came to mind and the email became an unwieldy mess that wouldn’t look very pretty on his phone.  I moved it all into Word where I could set scriptures and afterthoughts aside from the content of the meeting.  It all just started taking on a life of its own as I worked with the content to preserve it in a meaningful way.

Little Moleskine Notebooks

I partake deeply and often of Ann Voskamp and “A Holy Experience”.  She introduced me to Moleskine Journals and I love them.  They are nice and flat and can be tucked into a pocket or inserted into a Bible for study/sermon notes.  I kept coming back to all of the times that the Lord called on his people to write it down.  Write the vision, make it plain!  Get a tablet or a scroll.  Engrave the tablet of your heart. Keep it ever before your eyes.  Yes.  This is what I needed.  I wanted a tool at the ready to snap me out of a death spiral into lie land–and the Truth Book was born.

Truth and Promise Delivery: Habakkuk Style

We read in Habakkuk 2:2-4

And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make itplain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision isyet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith.

Yes, Lord.  When I process that piece of scripture and make it my own for this project it looks like this:

I will write the vision and make it plain–Truth and Promise.  Lord, that I may run when I read it–run toward you and away from lies and destruction.  These Truths are for a time when I am spinning out of control.  Anything good or righteous within me is because my soul is lifted up by you and for you,  It is by faith that your Truth will minister to me.

Anchor Verse

I asked my daughter Sunny for a scripture because I believe–as I have told her to her unending chagrin–one of her specific spiritual gifts is blessing people with just the right piece of scripture.  She didn’t know what I was working on, I just said “Just pray about it and see what the Lord has for me” to which she responded “I’m not a slot machine like you could pull my handle and verse comes out.”  Isn’t it wonderful that a 14 year old can be wonderfully spiritually gifted and still entirely developmentally appropriate?  Thank you, Lord.  I gave her the choice of praying about it of having me stick a quarter up her nose.  She preferred the former- though barely– and came back to me with this from           Isaiah 55:11-12:

So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me void,          Without accomplishing what I desire,  And without succeeding in the matterfor which I sent it. For you will go out with joy And be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, And all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Thank you Lord for confirmation.  That verse became the rock upon which all of my Truth and Promises are anchored.  The Truth of the Lord will go forth and not return to Him empty but it will accomplish what He desires–Promises– and succeed in the matter for which He sent it–bringing me out with Joy!  His Truth will always yield His Promises.  Mountains in my path will break forth into shouts of joy!  I will go out with peace!  Thank you, Lord!  It’s on!

Note to Self

Habakkuk was right about another thing. . . those times come.  I began to draft this  letter from my better self to my weaker self. Here I am now close to the Lord, clear on His Truth, upheld by His Promise, living high on faith and from this happy place . . . wait for it . . .it will surely come the Catherine who will be angry, negative, sarcastic, despondent and wallowingly crappulent.  Fewer and farther between-Yes, Lord.  Less and less often–Hallelujah!  I AM being transformed from Glory to Glory–Praise God! Until I see perfection in eternity, some stuff just doesn’t tarry.  So I began my Truth Book with a note to myself:

Catherine,

Everything in this book is the absolute, unshakable, unchangeable, eternal, powerful, God-breathed TRUTH.  If you abide in my Word, you are my disciples indeed and you shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you Free! John 8:31-32

We know that words have power and reading is good but speaking is better so the next page is an action item for Crappy-Attitude Catherine:

Say Aloud:

  • Thank you, Lord for the Truth
  • Thank you, Holy Spirit for the fruit of the spirit–Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.
  • Thank you, Jesus for my eternal salvation and relationship with God.

Then I go straight from preaching to meddling:

  • Thank you, ________________ for handing me the Truth and reminding me of God’s Goodness.
  • I renounce and repent to God and man for stepping outside of Truth’s Holy covering”

A margin note reminds lesser me “give details, try to be sincere.”  It is good to know your audience.

My specific areas of struggle are with Anger and Fear.  My basic formula is repentance, Truth, Promise.  In my Truth book, it looks like this:

  • Repentance:  I renounce and repent for harboring, enjoying, encouraging, giving in to, playing with, entertaining, excusing, justifying the spirit of anger in my thoughts and deeds.
  • Truth: Anger is not ever, never, no matter the circumstance, always going against the intention of God in my life.
  • Promise:  James 4:7 Therefore, submit to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
  • Truth: I have been delivered.  I am set Free.  I am not Angry.
  • Promise: Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusts in Thee.

The pages go on with affirmations of Truth and scriptural Promise.  I would characterize it as equal parts encouragement, reminder, proclamation and smack down.  I need all those things.  Anger is such a powerful emotion.  Anger is blinding, I need reminding.  Words are powerful–I will proclaim the Truth.  Little Catherine inside who is really just scared and sad–don’t pay any attention to that girl behind the curtain.  She needs encouragement.  Then there is Catherine the Great and Powerful Self-Righteous One–smack down worthy if ever there was one.

I left some blank pages and moved on to addressing fear.  That followed the same basic formula but less smack-down more encouragement.  I folded some pages into the binding and put my Truth on the outside, the Promise of scripture on the inside and the citation (address) on the back.  At this point, I moved into the little book.  I made it a refuge place.  I got paper tape (Washi tape) and gel pens and stickers and began to make it a beautiful, permanent place of worship and praise.  I wanted to live between the covers for a while.  I wrote more notes and expanded meanings as I dwelled with the words.  I made the vision plain . . . I just didn’t leave it that way.  The book got tricked out because, and ladies you know this, what doesn’t glitter make better?

Now that the book was beautiful and full of promise and hope and joy and TRUTH I began to look forward to getting angry and frightened so I could see how it worked.  I am anticipating your thoughts now and would like to suggest you include a few pages on being judgemental in your Truth book.  It goes with the whole out-of-body feeling of this adventure.  I felt utterly separate and outside-looking-in-on the behaviors and patterns that I was addressing.  This third person voice was able to speak things that were uncompromisingly True and powerful.  I receive it as a gift from God that I could have clarity around things so tender and often so protected in my heart even while they cause me harm.

A strange thing has happened, much to my disappointment, the Truth book has performed as an immunization rather than an antidote.  It is settling in me and preventing the very thing I made it to address.  I hope that the creator of the universe who called light to exist out of nothing finds it adorable when I am ever pleasantly surprised and enchanted when His plans come together so exceedingly abundantly better than I could have imagined.  Then I am humbly laid bare before the awesome weight of it all and I am awestruck that He should provide such caring, perfect and timely blessings to me.  Then, right before my brain explodes just trying to get a handle on it all, I laugh with joy and love for Him and know that is enough for now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Prime Meridian

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North to South to North Again

Fly in your mind with me from the Equator to the North Pole.  Straight up!  Go northward, and northward and cruise right over the polar ice cap.  Keep going North . . . uh oh, you’re going South now.  Don’t worry, once you soar over Antarctica you will be headed North again.  North and South are intimately connected and flow in and out of one another.   The Prime Meridian, and her 359 Longitudinal sisters stretch around the globe form North to South and North again since well before we gave them names.  Based upon them we navigate, we tell time, we move and understand our world.

 

Now we’ll soar East, as far East as we can go–right along the Equator from South America over the choppy Atlantic, Eastward over Africa and the Indian Ocean, right over the top of Australia, through Asia and Eastward still over the broad Pacific until we continue East over South America and Eastward yet over the . . . . how do you spell that needle scratching on the record sound.  What?  When we flew North we ended up going South.  East and West never touch.  Isaiah tells us that when we ask for forgiveness, God puts our sin away from His memory as far as the East is from the West.  I ask you, my fellow traveler, how far is that?  God’s divine wisdom moved the hand–of a man who surely didn’t even know that the planet was round (or for that matter even a planet as part of a solar system)– across the page to tell us that our sin and His grace are on one line but never, ever make contact.  Holy. If Sin and God’s Grace are East and West, I will call Truth and Promise North and South–same, flowing, connected, united, continuous and continuing–Holy Holy Holy

A distinction without a difference

Is something True because God promises it or does God Promise because it is True?  Honestly, I am not sure that it much matters.  I start with Truth because my struggle is against the lies of the enemy.  You could start with God’s Promises and then extrapolate the Truths of your life from those.    Go North to go South, go South to go North–it doesn’t matter!  Just fly on knowing the Truth and living the Promise.

So we begin this journey seeking Truth.  I found it by revealing the anti-Truth that was festering in my heart.  Weeds that have been growing in the dark corners of my heart choking out the fruit that I want to bear.   Worry is sunshine and despondency is rain on the thicket of thorny lies.  Every negative thought a a scoop of manure that those rotten, flower-choking, invasive weeds are taking into their serpentine roots and using to grow and increase.  Stop entertaining the lies and starve the thicket from fertilizer. State the truth and deprive the weeds from sun and rain.  Speak the Promises of God’s Holy Word and the underlying good plants will flourish and the weeds will be choked out.  Jesus didn’t spend his time rebuking the enemy with spiritual Round-Up; rather, He spoke the Word and claimed his authority.  It is subtle but important.  It is all about the focus.  Round-up is meant for weeds–yes, meant to harm–but still meant to act upon them. In this spiritual economy, even focusing on something to kill it feeds it a bit . . . while you are busy telling the enemy how he can’t torment you any more, you aren’t talking to God.  Don’t even give him that victory.  Tell him to get behind you and then tend to the good fruit-bearing vines in your heart.  All else will shrivel and die.

Lies restated as Truths paired with Promises from Scripture:

Truth:
All of my sins are forgiven me.  There is nothing that I have done that is too terrible to be forgiven for.  God knows all of my sin and forgives all of my sin.
Promise
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold all things have become new. 2Cor 5:17
Truth:
God will provide for us materially, spiritually and relationally.
Promise:
He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we are able to ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. Eph 3:20
Truth:
I am confident and capable of powerful thoughts.  I can accomplish important tasks well.
Promise:
For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7

God is the author and creator of positive thinking.  He breathed this formula into being.  Think of it as the real formula or recipe.  It is the recipe for True perfection in the spiritual realm.  For our purposes, let’s call it chocolate.  God presents the world with this recipe for perfect chocolate.  Anyone can make it given the proper time and ingredients.  It is the most delicious, heavenly stuff.  People sit still to eat of it.  It is savored and enjoyed and it is satisfying.  The enemy, seeing the power of it and loving the counterfeit presents a slightly changed recipe.  It is faster to prepare, has fewer and cheaper ingredients and produces something similar.  There is just enough Truth from the first recipe to make it satisfying enough to distract people away from the Truth.  As the popularity of the worldly counterfeit increases, the real deal becomes more and more rare.  Some people even try, with good intentions, to use some of the shortcuts of the worldly chocolate and call it God’s recipe.  They are serving it up in Jesus’ name so it must be good, right?  You can name it God’s recipe and you can claim it as God’s recipe and still not make it so. Now true seekers of God’s recipe are confused.  What is the True original and what is tainted?  Should we just stay away from all of it?  Can you see how we, the beloved of God, step away from his gifts out of loyalty to Him?  Let you heart break for that.  Oh Lord, forgive us our forsaking of your truth out of fear of the world.  Bring us home and show us the fullness of the life you have for us.

The world has repackaged God’s plan for spiritual renewal as positive thinking, cognitive therapy, affirmations, channeling universal power and other counterfeit ”Secrets” revealed in best sellers.  They are all shadows cast on a cave wall.  The real deal is God’s.  If any of the world’s reworked versions are effective it is because all truth is God’s Truth.  Cheap chocolate still tastes sweet.  Christian, we own this.  It is in our bloodlines and our family tradition.  The father of lies first steals God’s method and presents it to the world as new age nonsense.  That is an affront to God in itself.  Worse though, Christians, in the name of righteousness reject God’s design for fear of engaging false teaching.  But not you and not me.  We dive in full force.  We see how the world has stolen our birthright and made it cheap and we cling even nearer to the Word.

 

 

Truth v truth

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All Truth is God’s Truth

As I new believer, I was averse to citing any theory or dogma that was not Christian.  I became a bit paralyzed as I struggled to clear out my mental filing cabinet and recategorize things.  In my limited understanding, I now had two main categories of information: Christian and Non-Christian.   A baby approaching the world and seeing faces as “Mommy” or “Not the Mommy”.  I was seeing everything as of my Heavenly Father or not.  A wise friend helped me when I got stuck on a book written by a secular therapist, espousing generally secular ideas that had helped me understand myself better.  Clearly I couldn’t file it under Christian, but it wasn’t–as I now understood my other category to mean–untrue either.  She said “All truth is God’s Truth.”  That really blew my mind.  I had been moving through my early Christian life trusting what was labeled Christian and distrusting what was not rather than trusting Christ-the very embodiment of Truth.

The “Christian=Good and Secular=Bad” paradigm orders the created before the Creator.  Imagine that you had a padlock and I knew the combination: 8-12-95.  It wouldn’t matter how I delivered that combination to you, it would always open the lock.  I could teach a toddler how to say that and have her tell you and it would be as true as if I had a Nasa engineer tell you.  The truth is no respecter of persons.  The Truth is.  It simply is.  The Cross that saved the world has been usurped by evildoers and some who have done great good have done it outside of the covering of His Blood.  By knowing the Word Become Flesh, we can know the Truth.  I see as the little baby- it is of God or it is not of God.  Lord, that I would know the truth as well as the baby knows Mamma’s face.  Let it dwell richly in us.

The deep truths about you and me aren’t true because we believe them; they are True because they are Truth.  Chanting repeatedly that I am a bird who can fly will never make it so.  Fortunes have been won with books and videos sharing the secret of speaking what is not into being.  God doesn’t call us to say anything that is untrue for the sake of future gain.  Rather, God calls us to speak the Truth.  (Prov 8:6-7) (Prov 12:16-18) (2 Cor 6:1-10) (Prov 3:3)

Remember Plato and the poor children his allegory chained to a wall in a very dark cave?  They grew up only able to see shadows of forms on the wall cast by people and objects passing in front of a great fire behind them.  They only saw darkness until benevolent Socrates let one go.  Our freed captive could turn around for the first time in his life and see the source of the shadowplay he had knows as reality.  He didn’t correlate the dimensional people he saw with the flat shadows he knew.  Confronted by the shocking reality and too-bright-firelight wouldn’t that man turn back toward the world he knew of familiar shapes and sounds?  The author of the allegory says he would.  Glory that the Author and Finisher of your Faith says you won’t.

After living with only the shadows of truth, the Truth seems surreal and even untrue.  Uncomfortable, unfathomable, unfamiliar, strange, too bright, too real, too much to hope for.  God’s Truth is as foreign to the lies I have been listening to as the sun-bathed world outside of the cave would be to Plato’s prisoners.  I can barely see it for it’s electrifying power against my dimly conditioned eyes.  Plato supposes that one would be so shocked and horrified by life as it truly is that he would run back to the safety of the cave preferring the shadow world.  God knows you better than that and for that we give praise!

You would run back into the cave and say tell the others of warmth of sun, sweetness of grass and colors alight.  You would be speaking the Truth that is unseen in the back of the cave and yet, no less True.  In fact, the lie is that this little glimpse of the world is a true representation.  Lord, that we would know you so well that we would believe the messenger who tells us that the world we have seen and understood and known is not the real world of your Light and Truth.

Stay near and dwell in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit as we go deeper in. God is timeless and limitless; he cannot be contained in our teeny boxes made of centuries and molecules. The Truth–God our Christ–is outside of our puny, earth realm. What you see within space and time is as flat and dim as what Plato’s Prisoners saw on that cave wall.  When you speak the Truth over your situation, it needs to be The Truth of  our Timeless Heavenly Father.  It is as bright and unimaginably real as life outside the cave.

Our Lord came to bring you out of the cave:

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
19 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.” Luke 4:18-19 NKJV

If it is Truth, it is Truth for all time.  Truth–God’s very being– is not temporary and it is the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb 13:8). Therefore anything that is true about you and me is true for all time and eternity.  Shadows on the wall can never be more than shadows on the wall.  It doesn’t matter what we believe about them, they are what they are because there is objective Truth–Praise God!

When doing the work of stating the Truths that God has proclaimed over you, it isn’t enough to craft phrases that denounce lies.  A lie that is being denounced is a lie that is still getting some attention.  It is the difference between our freed platonic prisoner saying “I am out of the darkness” and “I am in the light”.  Can you feel the difference in your spirit?

I write this aware that one of my Truth Statements is “Paul will never leave me.”  I will restate that as “Paul and I will always be together as one flesh.”  Better?  Yes.